The Four Pieces Of Wisdom That Helped Me Become The Hero Of My Own Life

"Why does this keep happening to me?" was my mantra for over two decades. It kept me stuck, waiting for someone else to fix my life rather than taking control of it myself. In this post, I discuss the four pieces of wisdom that gave me the capacity to claim my agency and take my life into my own hands, including the phrase that got me to finally leave a relationship I stayed in for too long.

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When the victim leaves and the hero emerges. Today's Dose shares four pieces of wisdom that helped me go from victim mentality to the hero of my own life. This is the kind of wisdom that will increase your capacity to handle life. I call it making yourself bigger than what's come for you because I like the visual.

Personal growth as a whole is using your DISCERNMENT to increase your CAPACITY so you can claim your AGENCY by taking action. If you're wanting real change and aren't sure where to start, today's Dose might be just the wisdom you need to get things started. Agency is knowing you're steering the ship of your life. So, if you're ready to claim yours and expand your capacity, welcome in to your Daily Dose of Dawn at dawn, videos designed to get you on your own side.

My name is Dawn Super and I specialize in helping people become the hero of their own story once again. But I myself did not even realize I had made myself the victim of my own story until long after I became the hero. Maybe there are places in your life where you're playing the victim without realizing it.

The pieces of wisdom I'm going to share with you today all help you get more discernment, capacity, and agency. As you listen try, to see how you turn it into discernment ~ like giving you knowledge of red flags you've already encountered so you can remember them for next time; increasing your capacity ~ giving yourself the strength to say "I will not let this happen again. I'm getting firmly on my own side and diving into understanding and holding boundaries much better."; and claim your agency ~ with radical acceptance. Okay, so let's get to it.

I don't know about you, but I had a really rough go at this life business for a couple of decades. I was bullied for years, abandoned by people who weren't supposed to do that, and mistreated by practically everyone else in my story. "Why does this keep happening to me?" was a mantra in my life, and it kept me feeling like a victim to my circumstances. It was real. It was reality. It was my life at the time, and it sucked. Being sleep-deprived makes everything harder, including believing in yourself.

For years, I felt stuck in the relationship that I was in. I was living an "if-then" life. "If this happens, then I can be happy. Then I can feel like I'm living my life and not just waiting for it to get better." Have you ever felt like that? Like you're just waiting for that one thing to come in and make everything right? It can be hard to work through that feeling, and this wisdom will help you do that.

I was really starting to get sick of my story and one day this bit of wisdom just dropped into my head. "Hey Cinderella, you can rescue yourself." I've had to start over many times in my life, with a disease in my brain complicating everything. But I had never had little people I was responsible for. The questions came: "What would rescuing myself even look like at this stage in my life? What would it actually take?" The thought of being a single parent under those conditions was terrifying. I repeated the Cinderella phrase in my mind every day and it gave me the strength to start reclaiming my agency, and from that day forward I had the strength to want better for myself. And from there my brain got to solving the problem. Within 6 months my rescue was underway.

The second piece of wisdom came once I escaped. The villain in my story sent me a message. "Only when you see your part in it all will it change." I sat with that for a long time. If you missed my recent "Sitting with your feels" dose, you can pop back a couple to check that one out. It's about preparing yourself to sit with hard feels. And this time I was ready.

I asked myself the question, what was my part in it all? If this were a play and I was looking at both of the characters, how had my character contributed to the situation? I remember their face when I looked at them and I said, "You're right. The whole relationship was my fault." I considered my part in the whole cycle of lies, frustration, empty promises year after year after year. And my part was staying. Essentially, it was all my fault because I stayed. Every boundary that I said, they beat it up like it owed them money. I wanted to leave. Instead, I let myself convince myself that this time it would be different. That doesn't make me a victim. It just makes me a participant. That's it. I stayed because I believed the BS too long. I was too trusting, gave too many chances, and had yet to understand that "Unconditional love is not unconditional acceptance of bad behavior."

Hey, Dawn Super here.

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Okay, back to it.

Once that truly sunk in, it was on, [laughter] it really helped me going forward from that point to understand that when people behave badly, love has nothing to do with it. And it deepened the fact that I was the hero of my own story, the captain of my ship, the pilot of my faulty meatsuit, the person in charge. I reclaimed my agency.

The third piece of wisdom I want to share is a little bit long. "As far behind as you think you are, you know something someone else doesn't, and sharing that 'something' deepens it inside of yourself." Even if you're just gabbing with your best friend about something you deeply realized, you're not just strengthening your social connections, you're boosting your confidence ~ and theirs. Sharing your wisdom helps you stay positive. It encourages yourself and it just feels good.

Have you noticed that when you drop a life cheat code on a friend and both of you feel really great about it? As a reformed people pleaser, when I help someone else and they tell me how it helped them, that really turns into coping for me in a much more healthy way. Over time, I've learned that when you share things, you never know the impact that it will have on someone else.

Even little things. I share pictures of faces and things like in food and objects and I have people who will message me ~ when they're on vacation in another country ~ some face they saw in something because it delighted them, and the thought of sharing it with me delighted them, and it delighted me by receiving it. So sharing feels good.

In fact, that leads to the fourth piece of wisdom. I took the third piece of wisdom ~ that I have unique knowledge and can share it ~ and formed it into "Be the change you want to see in the world." That's not my wisdom. It's just wisdom that I took action on.

When I started the positively narcolepsy group, I wanted to bring that hero of your own story energy to living with a debilitating disease. I've always been good at life hacks: helping you take shortcuts and do things so that you get more you for you. And no better place to apply that other than in a chronic illness community.

From the time I started on Facebook, I loved going into the narcolepsy groups. And I loved sharing what I had learned about living with and coping with this debilitating disease in my brain cuz I've learned a lot. I wasn't able to take meds, and then medication almost killed me, so, I had to find other ways outside of medication to live with all the things that are wrong with me. And I've done a really good job of it. And being able to share those tips and tricks and educate people on what's normal for narcolepsy has proven to be incredibly valuable. Like, if you Google one of the symptoms, they'll be like "Go to the emergency room!" and if you go to Google one of the symptoms plus narcolepsy, it'd be "Oh business as usual."

Okay. Anyway, so in the groups there was a lot of venting, which of course is expected, but I had developed empathy anxiety where I felt so bad for them it made me feel worse. People need to vent, and they need to do so in spaces that are safe for them, but I needed a place where that wasn't happening. I thought, "What if I leave the support groups to the supporting? And I started just an encouragement group, a place to get together and talk about life and strategies and the kind of things that we can do to help ourselves, claim our agency, increase our capacity, use our discernment to know what's normal, what's not normal, what's good for us, what's not good for us... and really take action.

So, I did it and I'm super happy to tell you that there's over 2500 people attached to narcolepsy in there. They either have it or they're connected to someone who does. And it's full of encouragement and humor and things you need to know about living with it. And when you share the knowledge that what you're going through is normal for you, it makes your capacity increase automatically.

Maybe you need more empathy in your life and the people around you just haven't learned that lesson yet. They don't know how to give you what you need. So, you just sit around feeling feels about not having it. Whatever it is you're missing in life, self-esteem, self-love, a pat on the back, a kick in the ass, you can give it to yourself first. Let this wisdom guide you to action and fill yourself up by yourself first. Then once you're shored up, you have more capacity, you can give the overflow to everyone else because the more you shine your awareness on something, the more it grows. Your actions can also inspire others to act. What actions can you take right now to bring more encouragement and connection into your own life?

That's also how my book was born. I created the 14-day encouragement challenge because I didn't have anybody encouraging me. So the encouragement challenge was things I did to encourage myself. And then as other people did it, I saw it was very effective in helping people learn how to encourage themselves. In 6 months after I almost died of sepsis, I put it into a book. [laughter]

By getting fully on your own side, you create an infinity mirror of encouragement. You never run out.

So, that's all the wisdom that I have for you today. To recap: "Hey Cinderella, you can rescue yourself" started my ball rolling. "Only when you see your part in it all will it change" got me thinking about my part in it all and how to change it. Understanding that I have a lot of wisdom that can help other people help me solidify my lessons as I shared them with other people. And finally, "Be the change you want to see in the world" literally changed my world for the better. Use this wisdom to reclaim your agency and up your capacity so that you can thrive.

Did this dose give you any ideas on how you can take action in your own life right now? Let me know in the comments. And if you're ready to create your own infinity mirror of encouragement, to always be the hero of your own story, and have the capacity to ask "Now what?", spend 14 days going fully into your own self and emerge the other side filled with wisdom from your soul. Just grab my book in my store at https://happymatters.guru or throw it in your Amazon shopping cart.

Dive deep into your authentic self. Realize strength you didn't even know you had and claim your agency. In just two weeks, you'll be walking like someone who knows that when life happens, they just have to ask, "Now what?"

No matter what you do today, do it from your own side.

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