Pets That Aren't Pets: How Feeding Backyard Wildlife Became My Favorite Coping Tool

Living with chronic illness for four decades has taught me that peace doesn't always come from grand gestures — sometimes it comes from a bag of sunflower seeds and a patio umbrella. In this post, I'm sharing the concept of "pets that aren't pets": low-commitment wildlife feeding that brought finches, a squirrel, hummingbirds, and even a hawk into my daily life. Discover how outdoor immersion, awe, and metacognition can help regulate your nervous system, why missing a day of feeding wildlife won't derail you the way pet ownership can, and how you can build your own version of this practice — no matter how much outdoor space you have.

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I accidentally created a hawk buffet in my peaceful place. Today I'm talking about creating a peaceful place, dealing with adversity, and thinking about your thinking around peace.

My videos are specifically designed for people who are stuck in the suck. So if you're living with a lifelong chronic illness or battling difficult challenges, welcome in to your Daily Dose of Dawn at dawn, videos designed to expand your thinking.

I have a host of disabling disorders and in order to function in this faulty meatsuit, I had to learn how to fly it. One of the things that helps me cope immensely is what they call outdoor immersion. Fortunately, I live just outside Los Angeles, so it's nice and warm, and I have a lovely patio on my townhouse, so I was able to create a little oasis for myself.

I go out there first thing in the morning with my coffee, meditate, listen to the birds, and come to terms with my existence. Every day. For the last four decades. So, let's just say I understand resilience and I understand the benefits of doing nice things for yourself.

One of my roommates had a bunny for a while and oh, how delightful that was. It wasn't my bunny, but I cared for it and loved it like it was. I gave it its own little chair so that I could watch it eat, because watching food disappear into this bunny's face just delighted me to no end.

And I don't know if you've caught this in one of my videos or not yet, but being in a state of awe where you're looking at something and going, "Wow, that is really cool," is super good for your nervous system.

I had a little squirrel who showed up, so I got him some nuts. And then I just enjoyed the idea of having a pet that wasn't really a pet. So, I added water and, every day the nuts would disappear, so something was eating them. And then I saw the squirrels and actually had one take a nut from my hand and got it on video. That was so amazing.

If you're not into wildlife, that might not mean anything to you, but having something that comes and makes me smile and delights me and then leaves — that's a pet that's not a pet. And so I'm feeding it and I'm giving it water and that's it. That's the end of my obligation.

So I was enjoying this squirrel so much I decided to start also feeding the birds. So I went on Marketplace and found a set of bird feeders that I could hang from my patio umbrella and little birds started coming.

I got a gigantic bag of black oil sunflower seeds that I thought would last like a year and started feeding, and finches came, and a sparrow, and a towhee, and we also set up a hummingbird feeder. So hummingbirds started coming.

I went back on Marketplace and I bought myself a fake olive tree. My patio is concrete, so I can't do anything real, and I'm really not a good gardener at all. So, know thy limitations. And I hung one of the bird feeders from the fake olive tree and one from the patio umbrella.

And before long, I had a flock of a dozen finches coming to eat all day. And finches had babies. And then their little fledglings came, and I got to watch them feed their fledglings. Got video of that also. And it was like NatGeo in my backyard and I was just loving it.

Now don't get me wrong, there is work involved in having pets that aren't pets. I have to clean up all the sunflower seeds, but I started making art out of those as I swept them up to amuse myself.

And then, just like what happened with the bunny, it wasn't just the finches that were having fledglings. It was also the local hawks. Once, when the bunny was there, a hawk came down and tried to get it and flew into the slider on its way out of the yard, having not been successful.

So now here I've created this little oasis for myself, but I've also created a little buffet for the hawks. So, just like when I had the bunny, I created more safe spaces for the finches. I moved my patio umbrella to make it more difficult for the hawk to navigate picking off one of these finches.

Hawk is my spirit animal. If you are able to see your life from three miles up as clearly as a hawk can, it really helps you navigate a challenging existence. And when you have a chronically ill existence and you remember happy matters, you keep yourself emotionally regulated through realizing that your hawks are coming and picking off the finches, and that you've kind of made that possible. Then you think about the food chain and the circle of life and how we're all just participating in it in one way or another.

And so, because thinking about your thinking is called metacognition — the highest form of intelligence, I call it surviving Tuesday — I wanted to get you thinking about pets that aren't pets, and you can put that through the You Filter and see how you can apply it in your own life.

So, here are some of the benefits of having pets that aren't pets, which means essentially feeding the wildlife in your area in one way or another.

If you're really into wildlife, the first benefit is it puts you in a state of awe, which is really good for your existence. It also becomes a creative project where you set the stage to feed the wildlife, whether it's from your balcony or your backyard, or — I have a friend in the UK who is throwing things out of her high apartment window and the seagulls are catching it, and she's just delighted by that, and I can see why.

You're supporting the circle of life, especially if you're living in an area that's ravaged by heat right now. Putting out water for the wildlife is really a gift.

A massive benefit of pets that aren't pets is that if you miss a day, it's not a huge deal. If something goes south in your life and you miss an entire week, they'll find food elsewhere. Unlike if you had your own pet in your home that you had to continue to care for while you were falling apart. Not to discount pet ownership, because it is a true blessing to those of us who can handle it.

Interacting with pets that aren't pets also gives you an opportunity to share what you learn about them socially — to share your interactions with them, to have camaraderie with nature and with other people who value the same nature that you do, to gain more knowledge about wildlife and share it with the people that you're interacting with.

Interacting with nature helps you stay calm, and it brings you a lot of peace. And out of all the emotions that you can feel, calm is the one that benefits a chronic existence the most. And then once you're calm, always remember: Happy Matters.

Whether you decide to take on pets that aren't pets or do something else today, make sure you do it from your own side.

I have a five week program coming up that's going to help you learn to let go and then to also build yourself up.

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