Why Feeling Bad About Mistakes Is Optional (Accountability Without Shame) | #97
Feeling bad after mistakes is not required for accountability or growth. In this Daily Dose of Dawn at dawn, Dawn Super shares how accountability without shame helps you correct course, protect relationships, and let go—without self-punishment.
Watch the Video Here or Read the Script below
Sometimes you feel bad just because you think you’re supposed to.
This is the Daily Dose of Dawn at dawn, number 97. Videos designed to expand your thinking.
This video is for anyone who feels bad about anything they did or said on a regular or semi-regular basis. Welcome back to the Happy Matters Collective. If this is your first time here, thanks for joining us.
So, why do we want to learn this?
Well, there’s no rule that says you have to feel bad when you screw up. And there’s no brownie points for suffering. I checked.
There’s no purpose for continuing to have icky feels about anything. Icky feels are designed to get us to act, to do something different, to hold boundaries. After that, it’s you feeding it and it feeding on you.
So, what does it look like?
In my life, it looked like I overslept. And cue the chaos—the berating, the anxiety, the rushing, the chastising, the guilt, the shame, the fear of what will happen because now I’m late.
So, I would pack up all those icky feels in my gut and take them with me, punishing myself through the entire journey, banging the steering wheel. “Get out of the way!”
Then I would get to where I was supposed to be—a hot mess of panic, adrenaline, and caffeine. Visibly done in apologizing, being dramatic so they know I’m sorry, that I feel bad, that I didn’t do it on purpose.
But none of that is necessary.
It was a performance I put on to punish myself because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do.
And then I found a different way.
Wake up late and go, “Oh snap. I’m late. Let’s pile on the self-care wherever I can squeeze it in.”
So, I might grab something I don’t usually have, like a donut. Have my coffee to go. Pop on my favorite playlist. Fix my inside-out shirt when I get there.
And then on the way, I sing. I bring up my vibe. I forgive myself. I be the sunshine that I need in that moment.
The day started hard, but this is the opportunity I have to turn it around.
And then when I get there, I say, “Thank you for your patience. I had a rough morning. I had a reminder malfunction. I’m still figuring out this meatsuit.”
Whatever helps you keep the vibe high about it.
Acknowledge your lateness. Respect the relationship. And then you’ll both have a better day.
Looking back now at all the times I beat myself up because I thought I was supposed to, I’m like—wait, what? All that noise was optional?
Why did it take me like 45 years to figure that out?
Oh. So I could make this video. Great. Done.
We want to show up with grit and grace.
I have an amazing accountability formula. It really helps you let go of mistakes. Accountability is liberating. It’s mindset magic.
It can feel awkward when you first start living like it, but it’s like a new shoe. Try accountability on, and eventually become comfortable with the reality that you’re merely a human being—and humans make mistakes.
So here’s my accountability formula:
Accept the mistake was made. It happened. You can’t go back in time and change it.
Figure out how it happened. Did someone miss a step? Was something not checked?
Figure out what can be done about it. Checklists are usually my favorite solution.
Make a plan to prevent it from happening again. This is the accountable part of accountability.
And then let it go.
And if letting go sounds impossible to you, look below to go deeper with letting go of blame with accountability and understanding.
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