Sometimes You Can’t Do the Thing—and That’s Okay | #86
Sometimes You Can’t Do the Thing—and That’s Okay | #86 - Daily Dose of Dawn at dawn 🌞
Sometimes you just can’t do the thing—and beating yourself up doesn’t make you more responsible, it just makes you miserable. In this Daily Dose of Dawn at dawn, Dawn Super breaks down why feeling bad is a warning light, not a life sentence, and how radical self-acceptance helps you stop overgiving, stop people-pleasing, and stop hurting yourself to meet expectations—especially during the holidays. This is essential reading for anyone living with limitations, chronic illness, exhaustion, or pressure from others.
Watch the Video Here or Read the Script below
Sometimes you just can’t do the thing—and that’s okay.
This is the Daily Dose of Dawn at dawn, number 86—videos designed to expand your thinking.
This video is for anyone living with limitations who struggles with—or beats themselves up for—not being able to do the thing, or has other people putting pressure on them to just do the thing.
Especially during the holiday season, a lot of extra stuff gets put on us. And that’s the time to bring in the comforting stuff.
Feeling bad doesn’t make you more responsible. It just makes you more miserable.
No one else gets to decide if you’re capable of doing something.
Meatsuits are single-occupant ecosystems.
Not even your doctor knows what’s happening inside of you better than you do—at least in that moment.
For so many of us, we push until we break. We perform. We persist.
And even then, we still feel bad when there’s a desire or expectation—from ourselves or from other people.
Hear me when I say this: anything that makes you feel bad—any icky feel—is a warning light.
It’s not something you’re supposed to carry around.
So how did this happen for me?
It was tricky.
I had monkey mind and train brain:
“Oh, I can’t do the thing.”
“Why can’t I do the thing?”
“I wish I could do the thing.”
And that just created more icky feels inside of me.
No one can make you feel anything.
They ask you to do something. You can’t do it. And then you feel bad about yourself because you can’t do it.
The good news is—you can stop doing that.
What I did was deeply, deeply, deeply realize that feeling bad is something I don’t have to do.
I started saying: Feel your feels, but keep your feet out of the fire.
You disappointed someone. That hurts. I feel that. I acknowledge it.
Then I ask: What can I do next time so I don’t repeat the behavior?
You’re not supposed to sit there with a fire in your belly beating yourself up because you disappointed your friend.
Feeling bad is a warning light. It’s designed to get you to act—not to pack a bag and move in with it.
So I just chose to never feel bad about anything. Like, ever.
This is radical self-acceptance.
Do I screw up? Hourly. Yes.
Because I’m human. That’s what we do.
We screw up. We learn—hopefully. Repeat until death.
Life is a school.
So how do we stop these icky feels without feeling irresponsible?
That’s the trick, right?
Because people want their penance. They want you to feel bad.
Some people in my past definitely did.
Here’s the secret: it’s impossible for anyone to know what you’re feeling.
They get clues from your face and your words, but they don’t actually know.
My workaround for not being able to do the thing was radical self-acceptance.
Nobody knows me better than me.
So if I say I can’t do the thing right now—then I can’t do the thing right now. Period.
After that, it just becomes an exercise in managing other people’s expectations.
And that is a very valuable skill.
Here’s the magic.
Once I realized this, everything got easier to manage.
If I told you to jump up and touch an eight-foot ceiling, you’d laugh.
Why?
Because you know it’s not possible. You’re five feet tall. The ceiling is eight feet tall.
You wouldn’t feel bad about that.
“I can’t do that.” Period.
But when it’s something like:
“Hey, get up and do the dishes.”
And you don’t have the energy.
Or you don’t feel good.
Or you’re already spent.
We feel bad—even though we know, just like the ceiling example, we can’t do it right now without sacrificing ourselves.
This is how you break the reality where you feel bad for not being able to do the thing.
This is how you stop overgiving and hurting yourself to meet other people’s expectations.
One caveat.
This is not an excuse. It’s a reality.
You do need to check in with yourself to make sure you’re not being lazy or avoiding responsibility.
That requires internal honesty.
Ask yourself:
Am I avoiding this—or am I incapable right now?
Then be radically honest.
The more you know yourself, the easier this gets.
I go into this topic much deeper in How to Stop Feeling Bad When You Can’t Do the Thing, below.
My entire YouTube channel is videos designed to help you get to know yourself better and shine as your authentic self.
If you need that—dig in.
Want more tools like this?
Here’s a playlist of the key messages from the Daily Doses: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjTVOAF_sfVuWT9U4opsvjaura4omSkN9
Wanna go deeper? Check this one out:
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