Falling Back Into Old Patterns Doesn't Mean the Work Didn't Work

You did the work. You changed the pattern. And then, out of nowhere, the old version of you showed back up for one bad afternoon. In this post, I talk about what happens when personal growth isn't a straight line, why one setback doesn't undo months or years of real change, and the specific phrases and mental tools that help me get back on my own side when I slip.

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Giving yourself grace when you feel like you're falling short. This how-to dose is for a person who's done a lot of work to overcome their trauma. They've made enough progress that they're starting to see themselves as a person more aligned with where they're trying to get to and they're very proud of that fact.

This person has a hard time when they slip up on something they've invested a lot of time in, like stopping lying, gossiping, or some other significant social issue like being overly angry, rude, or mean. You've heard the phrase, "People don't change." And every time you slip up, your brain says, "See, I told you you'd never get the hang of this humaning business." And now you're ready to stop being your own punching bag and are ready for some strategies to help you hold your hand through the process.

If all that sounds like you, welcome in to your Daily Dose of Dawn at dawn, videos designed to expand your thinking. Today we're thinking about anger. If you don't have a problem with anger, you can insert whatever your issue is: gossiping, snapping at people, shutting down, lying, people pleasing - whatever is revisiting after you've overcome it.

One of my clients is working through excessive anger. They had a situation happen over the weekend where they had a setback. So, we had an emergency session to discuss that healing is not a one and done. In dose 81, I talked about ghost feelings coming back to whisper drama in your ears. And I'll link that below. But you can teach yourself to ignore them, Cindy, so you can keep on with your life.

The most important thing is that you try on some strategies and see which ones fit you so you can see which are effective. Not everything you try will work. We are all different. We learn different, think, see, and even feel things differently from each other. This is why you want to use the You Filter and put all these tips through that filter and see how you can modify them to your own life and your own situation.

Phrases are my favorite support tools. That's why you see them all over my magnets. Lefty loosey, righty tighty. It came in to save me so many times when I was tightening and loosening things throughout my whole life. So when I started working on the personal growth, I used that repetition and those little reminders helped me reprogram my mind.

My anger came from being mistreated and being in pain. My father was an angry person. My mom was kind of mean, looking back now. And that shapes the way that you learn, behave, and treat others. I needed to learn to be someone I wanted to hang around with, because my anger cost me friendships.

I needed to remember that everything doesn't have to happen right now when people upset me - there's time to fix things. Reminding myself to be a no drama llama. Saying no when over-asked so I didn't get resentful. Having a nice steamy mug of STFU if I thought my tongue might slice someone open. And most importantly, getting on my own side.

I taught myself how to deal with frustration when it came up. I remember I would say to my kid, "What are you, 11?" Because it was true. And it would help me get it out of me without injuring him in any way. It's like all grace.

Do I still get angry? Oh my days, yes. Like murderous, truly. I'm a Pisces after all. I joke I'm 97% fairy and you don't want to find out what the other 3% is.

One of my fave quotes is, "Unless you're capable of great violence, you're not peaceful, you're only harmless." What this says to me is controlling my anger, working through it, learning what to do with it, how to use it, how to let it go, is living in peace - being peaceful. If you never had to do any of that, you would just be harmless like a little ladybug. Instead, you have fangs. And I used all of that for grace: "It's okay. Your anger served you. It got you here. It's okay to forgive yourself for everything you did simply because you didn't know better."

I was a feral child. I had nobody raising me. I did it all myself and just obviously didn't do a good job. And give yourself credit for deciding to listen to this all the way to the end just in case there was something else that you might miss if you didn't.

And now you can leave your pain here and go out and do your magnificent things.

I have a five week program coming up that's going to help you learn to let go and then to also build yourself up.

Click the link below to get on the waitlist and receive an early bird discount when registration opens. https://dawnsuper.com/freeyourself

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