From Needy to Wanty: How to Stop Pushing Away Relationships | #136

What’s the difference between being needy and being wanty? In this Daily Dose, Dawn Super explains how unmet childhood needs and trauma responses can turn into adult neediness — and how learning to shift from desperate to self-sustaining can transform your relationships, confidence, and decision-making.

Watch the Video Here or Read the Script below

Making the shift from needy to wanty.

This video is for anyone who feels needy, desperate for a relationship, a friend or a lover, or who feels like they need more, more time, more attention. They just need more.

Welcome back to the Daily Dose of Dawn at Dawn, videos designed to expand your thinking.

So why do we want to learn this? Because being needy makes you annoying. It makes people want to avoid you and you might not even realize that you are needy. So until someone brings it into your awareness, you can't even look at it.

Welcome back to my Happy Matters Collective. If you're new here, thanks for joining us.

I never really thought about how these things were getting in my way when I was younger. So I like to talk about them and if it resonates for you, it'll help you make some alignment in your own life.

So how did this come into my awareness?

I was always desperate for friends. I went to a really small school and none of the kids liked me because I was annoying. When you're little and your parents are busy or just not around, it can make you feel needy for attention.

At the time, I really believed that if I could just find that one cool thing then I would be in and they would like me, but it never worked. And every attempt just made me seem more weird and more annoying.

So what does it look like to be needy in real life?

Well, as a child, it was “No, I really did pet an alligator this weekend.”

As an adult, it was “Sure, I'll do that thing for you, even though I really shouldn't because I want you to like me.”

As a child, I thought correcting your pronunciation while you were reading was helpful.

As an adult, I attempted to predict their every need so they were never uncomfortable and wanted to leave me.

Wow, Dawn, that sounds like straight up trauma response 101.

Why yes, yes it does.

And that's because the first 41 years of my life, I was essentially a walking trauma response.

It took a lot to get here to this place where I want friends and I want a romantic relationship, but I don't need either of those things to feel like I'm living a full life.

Right?

Why does this matter?

Because it filters through your entire life. Being needy versus wanty affects the way you make decisions.

Look at it from the perspective of hunger.

You start to feel a little hungry.

Needy waits for someone to feed them.

And wanty has some trail mix.

For the needy person, the stomach starts to digest itself as it looks all over the place for someone to feed them.

Wanty keeps munching on their trail mix while they look for a healthy place to eat a sustainable meal.

And by this time, Needy is ravenous and they'll take food off anybody who's got it.

Wanty doesn't get ravenous because they love themselves and they take care of themselves first.

If you are needy, there are things you can do to help yourself. Including diving into who you are and who you want to be with my book: https://HowToBeOnYourOwnSide.com in just 14 days you will feel more like you're responding to life rather than reacting to every little thing that jumps in front of your face.