Dose 52 Mental Wellness
How to deal with not being chosen – Daily Dose of Dawn at dawn #52
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How to deal with not being chosen – Daily Dose of Dawn at dawn #52
There were only 14 kids in my classroom growing up from K-7th grade… and none of them liked me. That’s a long time to go on feeling like no one is on your side and it fed into me not even liking myself until I was 35 years old.
If you’re struggling with that, I have a video – How To Start Liking Yourself (even if you never have). You can teach an old adult new tricks 😉 – visit my youtube or ask me for the link.
Have you heard of the ‘chained elephant theory’? It’s a metaphor and a story about how if you chain a baby elephant to a pole it will struggle and strain to be free but won’t succeed. It will let itself believe that the chain is forever and when it grows strong enough to even break the pole, much less the chain – it will never even try to.
This happened to me, in a way, with my little 14 kid class. Some of the kids in my class might have even liked me but the pressure NOT to like me was greater than their feelings – group mentality can do that.
In many ways, it kept my world super small. Even though I had hundreds of kids in my graduating senior class, I still ‘felt’ like none of them liked me… because I had been conditioned to.
Fast forward two decades. I had started a business and was becoming ‘more effective’ socially lol (getting rid of bad social skills). It was my 41st birthday, I will remember this moment forever. I opened my phone mid afternoon and over 100 people had wished me a happy birthday. There were so many kind messages that left me feeling valued as a person, seen as someone contributing good things to the world, someone people would miss if I was gone.
That’s the day that ‘happy’ bonked me on the head. The day my world got much much bigger in my mind. The elephant broke her chains.
If you are not being chosen ‘now,’ please know that this moment in your life is not the sum total of anything. As long as you wake up breathing you have another chance to hone who you want to show up as in this world and attract the RIGHT people that will choose you with a heck yeah!
Looking back, I gained so much love, joy and compassion – as a person – because I know firsthand what it feels like to go without any of those for a very long time. Self-love is a radical act of rebellion in a world that profits from your doubts. Be a rebel. Choose yourself always because water seeks its own level. Rise.
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